On this day called '1000 Ausome Things'#AutismPositivity2013 as named by Leah Kelly I would like to offer this thought to my friends.
I was first diadnosed 18.5 years ago at a army hospital called Walter Reed medical center. I remember. You see I am very much like how Mr.and Mrs.Markham describe autistics in their paper The Intense World of Autism. I read this because of my friend Ariane Zurcher in her wonderful blog emmashopebook.com
This paper and my own Neuromonic therapy combined with supported typing has opened my world to ideas that never could be dared to even dream.
I am typing today by holding a dowel in my hand .Mom barely holds the other end for focus needs.at home when not studying for school I am trying to type more independently. I have a big brother. he is getting married and moving. my desire is to always be connected to him without assistance. I am accomplishing this now as we email each other. As of now in fact twice independent complete letters I typed. He is proud of me and does not mind the errors my brain makes in such distraction.
I attend a wonderful small co-operative academy that now has fully included me. I am right now typing my flashblog for my Mrs. Noonan's English high school class homework. The assignment is citing internet sources. Who could dream just three years ago I was on a totally different path.
I need to say this however. On this day of positivity I only plead as someone who has been traumatized still by voices I still hear saying I will be cured. Don't allow children to hear the voices of professionals make promises no one knows is true. As I have turned 21 I hear the statements made to mom who wanted my best life at the expense of hers and mine and my big brother and dads. Mom is most definitely my best advocate but her path has hurt her as well.
If you asked me now what I value most about autism I must say my sensory system. I feel. I feel wiffs of moms hair and I can feel a sunshine rain after it is over by seeing a picture .I can look at an umbrella and see a picture of my big brother. And I can sing happy birthday and taste cake.
I am a work in progress. I love my life now in a way I never thought I would.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Today
Today I am sitting in a wonderful school that has recognized me before in some ways I did. I unfortunately have been to many schools in my time. I was not aggressive until I could talk with my hand. You see before that I really didn't live until I came home and watched Barney. My ears hurt with bees like a buzz saw so bad I just moved to get through anything. I did not really see either. The hurt made my mind close. I couldn't sleep or focus . I would look for mom and finally breathe. The only relief I found was watching Barney on the video. I never thought he wasn't real. I thought that my Barney friends were really alive and knew I was there with them. I never considered perhaps that a purple suited dinosaur might be a kids mentionable show. Laugh. Now I am amazed I did not understand this. When I started to hand talk I was 19 years old. I had not started my music therapy and the bees were still horrific. I hadn't told anyone yet. No one had asked. You see unless somebody asked the right question, I never thought to offer information. I mentionably have still issues with this. mom is helping me now daily by asking me if I have anything I need to mention. it reminds me to tell her if my body hurts or other important issues.
I was so excited to attend a recent event. During that event a statement was made concerning autistics my age. I now realize this statement was without any intention of generating anyone anxiety. However I became very very confused about this comment because I am emotionally younger in many ways than my 21 years as I indicated before. I learned that 1. I must not compare my path to anyone even if it is my hero. 2. people say things by mistake and we should not assume ill intent first. 3.I have a lot of maturing to do before I consider myself an advocate I would be willing to be responsible for others in their growth or progress.
Acceptance is also acceptance of my own need to learn about how to accept myself now, before and whatever the world and God has instore for me.
I was so excited to attend a recent event. During that event a statement was made concerning autistics my age. I now realize this statement was without any intention of generating anyone anxiety. However I became very very confused about this comment because I am emotionally younger in many ways than my 21 years as I indicated before. I learned that 1. I must not compare my path to anyone even if it is my hero. 2. people say things by mistake and we should not assume ill intent first. 3.I have a lot of maturing to do before I consider myself an advocate I would be willing to be responsible for others in their growth or progress.
Acceptance is also acceptance of my own need to learn about how to accept myself now, before and whatever the world and God has instore for me.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Autism Acceptance Day
I am on perhaps such an important day willing to speak out for my friends who are now unable as I was three years ago.
I am now able to speak with my hand and better by mouth. I am infact fully participating in my world in so many ways. I do all my speaking to all my medical doctors and they fully respect me as me, not as moms imaginary friend who tags along sometimes making a proper verbal comment. I was my own advocate during my final IEP meeting, even reminding mom I can speak for myself! She laughed. I work at Lowes for school credit and frankly believe I could maybe train a few of my peers, laugh.
Perhaps I should speak for really what I believe acceptance is. Acceptance is not working for a agency,school,or medical practice or social agency that is for disabled and speaking like we don't understand or even exist. I am somebody with feelings that deserve respect. My mind may not show on the outside like when maybe I have jumped or danced in a room when others stared but I understood everything said by hateful people making fun of my joy of the music. I understood what was said by teachers about me or my mom. I understood and remember. Having a sticker on your car or wearing the tee shirt isn't acceptance.
Acceptance is knowing my neurology is not the same as yours. You don't have to like when I scream, mom says sometimes we have to leave when I get really loud. She says we can go in the car because people sometimes get scared. She doesn't. She says ok lets yell now. But I actually understand because I don't like loud noises either.
Autism acceptance day for me is a day for my friends who still may not speak yet with their hands or mouth to know I will not forget you. And to my friends who knew I was inside before I could know, I thank you for believing.
I am now able to speak with my hand and better by mouth. I am infact fully participating in my world in so many ways. I do all my speaking to all my medical doctors and they fully respect me as me, not as moms imaginary friend who tags along sometimes making a proper verbal comment. I was my own advocate during my final IEP meeting, even reminding mom I can speak for myself! She laughed. I work at Lowes for school credit and frankly believe I could maybe train a few of my peers, laugh.
Perhaps I should speak for really what I believe acceptance is. Acceptance is not working for a agency,school,or medical practice or social agency that is for disabled and speaking like we don't understand or even exist. I am somebody with feelings that deserve respect. My mind may not show on the outside like when maybe I have jumped or danced in a room when others stared but I understood everything said by hateful people making fun of my joy of the music. I understood what was said by teachers about me or my mom. I understood and remember. Having a sticker on your car or wearing the tee shirt isn't acceptance.
Acceptance is knowing my neurology is not the same as yours. You don't have to like when I scream, mom says sometimes we have to leave when I get really loud. She says we can go in the car because people sometimes get scared. She doesn't. She says ok lets yell now. But I actually understand because I don't like loud noises either.
Autism acceptance day for me is a day for my friends who still may not speak yet with their hands or mouth to know I will not forget you. And to my friends who knew I was inside before I could know, I thank you for believing.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Autism Speaks, Don't YOU Forget Us in April
Red spatula today is what?
Red spatula is just that.
Questioned parties. I am the party for which.
How's the writing Emma?
and how do you make a period go away when you don't need it I wonder?
So you think we don't think and just mindlessly watch, do you?
You Fool.
We weep and we try not to let you hurt us anymore.
I am healthhy and guess what?
I am going to solve algebra problems with my dad.
Red spatula is just that.
Questioned parties. I am the party for which.
How's the writing Emma?
and how do you make a period go away when you don't need it I wonder?
So you think we don't think and just mindlessly watch, do you?
You Fool.
We weep and we try not to let you hurt us anymore.
I am healthhy and guess what?
I am going to solve algebra problems with my dad.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
Autistic people should feel loved
Today is my birthday. I am now officially a new adult woman. In my opinion autistic people should feel loved like I do now. I didn't always feel this way. I am weeping inside for how I have allowed perhaps my lack of verbal speech to run my days with fear. I accept myself with love however I communicate. I perhaps may speak more with patience and time. I may not. My brother nick loves me. My temple loves me my student that I tutor loves me. My friends at school love me. My lowes workers love me. My family of mom and dad love me. Coach and Pom Pom love. Mom and my dad love me. On whole...I am the luckiest girl . Excuse me adult I know. In conclusion, autistic people should feel loved.
.
.
Friday, January 18, 2013
mom the mean diet coke interventionist
i am an addict of diet soda
green or orange. red coke. i love the bubbles perhaps more that erupt in the back of my throat. i run to purse or wallet in anticipation of the tingle. i am addicted. the end
green or orange. red coke. i love the bubbles perhaps more that erupt in the back of my throat. i run to purse or wallet in anticipation of the tingle. i am addicted. the end
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Dear Friend in Gym Today
dear my friend in gym today,
hi, my name is Emma . i know you didn't see me and mom around the corner getting changed.
we swam in class together. i was happy, laugh, because i love my new yellow bathing suit. mom has laugh, green one. my coach knows my issues on that front. perhaps i bothered you today in pool.
or maybe you just know very little about aspergers or autism. i will help you now.
in your defense many others are like you. perhaps you think people like me are mental like you said. not true. in your defense i know i often look odd laughing or dancing in swimming. i love water.
or maybe you think i behave inappropriately for people. in your defense i try to focus my body on maintaining my senses .in my defense your mean comments are not anything i would say.i laugh cant by mouth any way. but mom tells me not to ever say means things. please learn about my disorder. that boy who shot his mom and those poor other people was sick in the head in a way mom says we can't understand.
i will say hello to you next class. Emma
hi, my name is Emma . i know you didn't see me and mom around the corner getting changed.
we swam in class together. i was happy, laugh, because i love my new yellow bathing suit. mom has laugh, green one. my coach knows my issues on that front. perhaps i bothered you today in pool.
or maybe you just know very little about aspergers or autism. i will help you now.
in your defense many others are like you. perhaps you think people like me are mental like you said. not true. in your defense i know i often look odd laughing or dancing in swimming. i love water.
or maybe you think i behave inappropriately for people. in your defense i try to focus my body on maintaining my senses .in my defense your mean comments are not anything i would say.i laugh cant by mouth any way. but mom tells me not to ever say means things. please learn about my disorder. that boy who shot his mom and those poor other people was sick in the head in a way mom says we can't understand.
i will say hello to you next class. Emma
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