Shut down

I have  not written a blog posting in a few months. I have been been doing many eventful things.  My brother got married and also a moved all his belongings out of our house that I know as my safe home. I am as happy for him as I can find myself although as autistic can take a while to see my house safe the same way.  Maybe I should explain.  I have a picture brain that is made just like a camera. I see in a picture and then it stays.  I don't change the picture . If I am forced to it hurts me for a while.  Time will help and I do have joy for him.

When I couldn't talk with my hand people thought i didn't understand anything, even what they said right infront of me.  I always did.

Please read my friend Kitt's blog Autistichick.blogspot.com
  She wrote the best post I have ever read.

I will write again soon,
Love, Emma

Today is This is Autism Flash blog Day

Today is special.  Today is This is Autism Flashblog day. I am the happiest, most exhausted autistic young woman I know.  My most wonderful day began when I read my beautiful friend little Emma's first blog post. I know her and her mommy, friend Ariane from emmashopebook.com. I met them. They are real friends, the kind you wish good for only.  This is autism.

Little Emma types rpm. I want to one day. I have a good sense of humor. I told mom I can learn rpm and type more independent. Then she won't  need to carry drumstick around all the time.  This is autism.

I am smart. I love to learn in my classes. Mom holds the drumstick when I type.   She  doesn't teach me, I attend classes.  My economics is well, very overwhelming for mom.  Today I began to teach my most wonderful professor how to type with me.  I was very anxious. I had to let him touch me. Everyone  who knows me knows this is hard.  This is autism.

I went to my work today.  I have worked for school credit for two years.  I will graduate in  may. I typed to my boss that I love my job. I typed today i want pay work. I surprised us both when I said verbally ''I am somebody".  He said to give him two weeks to figure something out.  This is autism.

I am tired but so happy.  This is Autism Flashblog day is a very good day for us all. I believe.
love, Emma S

Today is a big day for me. Maybe the biggest yet i have had . I am going to train someone at the college to assist me taking the standard test pert. I never took a placement test before and she is new to me.
Have me when you in your own thoughts. Please. Love, emma

Hello There Expert of Me

Today I read in Facebook post the true report of how more nonverbal boy is able to talk with his hand using iPad.  I love this because  number 1:. More nonverbal people can let their God given voices be heard. Mom says it, laugh,  doesn't matter how you Talk. Just mentionably talk. I say unvoiced people have different ways than people  for speech works. I believe if autistic persons or people with autism whichever prefer ,are to be studied like human beings the experts studying us need language and some manners teaching first.  I read how the expert from Atlanta described autistic people not able to ask personal questions and not being somehow rewarded like pavlovian dogs for speech. I perhaps should comment I read a number of books,  yes I know who skinner was and pavlovs dogs. However, my interest in reciting this is to say that the expert obviously was not concerned that he or she accurate. If perhaps truth was the goal, the expert would speak to the subject in  the person's language of most comfort. it might be the expert learn a few things.
That language may be typing. I type with slight assistance from my mom and dad and Jackie and now i am teaching paula. I say assistance as the synonym for support. I am the one typing. I am the person with the thought. If you took a person who needed help walking would you question whose feet were moving?  I am not insulted if I am singled out in a room for being too verbally loud. But I am furious when a so called expert makes a blanket statement that influences potential people I have never met with more negatives
In conclusion I believe a field trip to Atlanta may be coming to see this expert. I am interested in how  we might get along. I do have a personal question,if I may.... have you any watches that do not come with a sweeping second hand?

Cry

Today I really wish god would feel sickness of sad people and forget for them have painful feelings are my. I am saying I wish god would evaporate pain for many people so his children didn't cause more hurt in world.
 How I wish for jack his friend not shot. How I so wish my  cousin Tim was here now. I wish my big bro good fortune but not with never with casualties of military.
Autism is my diagnosis. Emma is my name.

Emma's Messiah Miracle of Music: Language is Not Just Verbal

Emma's Messiah Miracle of Music: Language is Not Just Verbal: I believe I have learned possibly the most momentus, important information so far in my life.   I learned about the language of intent  . I ...

Language is Not Just Verbal

I believe I have learned possibly the most momentus, important information so far in my life.   I learned about the language of intent  . I learned I talk in many ways. mom told me I knew this all along. I just wasn't perhaps ready.  you see I learned that my language is  verbal , my typing and.my language of   physical activity.

the language of physical activity is new to my brain understanding. I am autistic. A ll my life  I have been told to change behavior . I have been told to not move or move. I have been told stop now. don't move .I have been told I am not to write here. perhaps I have been told don't laugh.  perhaps I have even been given directions on physical personal hygiene issues.  my physical being was not language.

mom and her friend yelled. I was surprised. mom was surprised. she might be loud sometimes. but never have I heard yell at friend.  she said "see emma, everyone acts like a 6 year old once in a while. the hope is to let your 6 year old do other things like play in the dirt or paint or play basketball so you don't do what I just did." mom gardens and beads jewelry.

well this is how I learned about my own physical language.

I really missed my big brother when he went away to college.  I was angry he left me.  I would write all over  his mail after he left for college.  I was telling everyone I was not just mad, I was saying I was mad he didn't live with us. I told mom and dad last night by typing. they both said they knew what I was trying to say. I was shocked. I was really shocked. they knew I was mad that he left before I was able to" talk with my hand". I say" talk with my hand" because mom says it doesn't matter how I communicate as long as I am understood.

I never knew that I was me to mom and dad all along. I never understood that my physical body was mine to send a message that mom and dad understood.  I never realized that 6 year old negative acting out can sometimes stop if maybe I pay attention to my physical language now because my body does belong to me.

I am thankful I learned somethings that might seem too personal to be taught by people not family.i need repetition when it comes to physical training. my brain is wired that way perhaps. in concrete issues, I need help. however, at no time was I taught or even told that my actions sent a message I could control.  I think I have learned more and need to perhaps blog again.