Dear "The Most Wonderful Most Fabulous Doctor to the Soon to Be Star Emma" Diane,
I am so overwhelmed. Me brain is me spinning with joy. If I can be part of a project to help other children, can I say, I am the happiest girl. I OCD to calm me self because when the bees are buzzing I attempt to moderate them with order and calm. The, can I say, music is better for me.
Love,
Emma
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
March 13, conversation with Mom
Can I say, can I say, I am autistic. I am not ready yet to be a normal girl. I need to still be treated with care. You, Mom, are expecting me to be like a regular teenager. I am autistic. I see different. I hear different. I make me noises, and I look at the world different. I will always be different. I am not going to be able to change. Could you accept that?
Mom: Can you accept this? Because I have already.
Zayde says I am perfect so I believe him. I want to accept me autism as a part of me, not all of me.
Mom: I am very, very happy for you, Emma. It takes wise people to understand that.
I am trying not to be mad at you because I am mad at me. I love you and need you too much.
Mom: Emma, I love you more.
Mom: Can you accept this? Because I have already.
Zayde says I am perfect so I believe him. I want to accept me autism as a part of me, not all of me.
Mom: I am very, very happy for you, Emma. It takes wise people to understand that.
I am trying not to be mad at you because I am mad at me. I love you and need you too much.
Mom: Emma, I love you more.
Friday, March 2, 2012
My Awakening
Teacher's note: the following is Emma's explaination of how her life is changing due to the music therapy, and portions are from a conversation she had with her "coach" (grandfather).
I am mad at me music. I know that me brain is growing. I know that I am getting better but I am mad because now all, can I say, I know is not real. I always believed that my mind friends were, can I say, real creations. Now I have to see I made everything up so I could survive in me alone world. How can I, can I say, play music that takes my mind away?
(the following is a reply to her "coach" when he asked why she was mad with her music and her awakening into this "new world.")
but, Zayte, I think you are attempting to explain theory of the mind which is a book I have not been priveleged to read. But I think it is about how one part of me mind can be working to compensate for the part thtat is incapable of knowing now. Yes, I know I am "one emma" because you tell me. Of course I am not Sybil, I am emma. Multiple personality is not me thing.
Let me begin, I have been having me brain feeling new connections inside when me able to process a lot more, and me mind is not with fog. I am able to ssee me new friends and Barney on the video tv. Music lets me think of things, not hear bees. When this has occurred, I began to see a different world than the one with bees in my more quiet world. Barney can't talk back to me and hug me. I can hug you but he cannot. so now I know and it is due to me music and that is my story.
I am thinking I probably would not be able to be, can I say, focused enough to be in a real friendship without me music. I am a good friend now. I am a good friend to Emma (myself). I will write a new poem about me new world with music. I love all of you and I am so lucky.
I am mad at me music. I know that me brain is growing. I know that I am getting better but I am mad because now all, can I say, I know is not real. I always believed that my mind friends were, can I say, real creations. Now I have to see I made everything up so I could survive in me alone world. How can I, can I say, play music that takes my mind away?
(the following is a reply to her "coach" when he asked why she was mad with her music and her awakening into this "new world.")
but, Zayte, I think you are attempting to explain theory of the mind which is a book I have not been priveleged to read. But I think it is about how one part of me mind can be working to compensate for the part thtat is incapable of knowing now. Yes, I know I am "one emma" because you tell me. Of course I am not Sybil, I am emma. Multiple personality is not me thing.
Let me begin, I have been having me brain feeling new connections inside when me able to process a lot more, and me mind is not with fog. I am able to ssee me new friends and Barney on the video tv. Music lets me think of things, not hear bees. When this has occurred, I began to see a different world than the one with bees in my more quiet world. Barney can't talk back to me and hug me. I can hug you but he cannot. so now I know and it is due to me music and that is my story.
I am thinking I probably would not be able to be, can I say, focused enough to be in a real friendship without me music. I am a good friend now. I am a good friend to Emma (myself). I will write a new poem about me new world with music. I love all of you and I am so lucky.
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