Tuesday, April 30, 2013

My Journey to 1000 Ausome Things

On this day called '1000 Ausome Things'#AutismPositivity2013 as named by Leah Kelly I would like to offer this thought to my friends.

I was first diadnosed 18.5 years ago at a army hospital called Walter Reed medical center. I remember. You see I am very much like how Mr.and Mrs.Markham describe autistics in their paper The Intense World of Autism. I read this because of my friend Ariane Zurcher in her wonderful blog emmashopebook.com

This paper and my own  Neuromonic therapy combined with supported  typing has opened my world to ideas that never could be dared to even dream.
I am typing today by holding a dowel in my hand .Mom barely holds the other end for focus needs.at home when not studying for school I am trying to type more independently. I have a big brother. he is getting married and moving. my desire is to always be connected to him without assistance. I am accomplishing this now as we email each other. As of now in fact twice independent complete letters I typed. He is proud of me and does not mind the errors my brain makes in such distraction.
I attend a wonderful small co-operative academy that now has fully included me. I am right now typing my flashblog for my Mrs. Noonan's English high school class homework.  The assignment is citing internet sources. Who could dream just three years ago I was on a totally different path.
I need to say this however.  On this day of positivity I only plead as someone who has been traumatized still by voices I still hear saying I will be cured. Don't allow children to hear the voices of professionals make promises no one knows is true. As I have turned 21 I hear the statements made to mom who wanted my best life at the expense of hers and mine and my big brother and dads.   Mom is most definitely my best advocate but her path has hurt her as well.
If you asked me now what I value most about autism I must say my sensory system. I feel. I feel wiffs of moms hair and I can feel a sunshine rain after it is over by seeing a picture  .I can look at an umbrella and see a picture of my big brother. And I can sing happy birthday and taste cake.

I am a work in progress.  I love my life now in a way I never thought I would.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013


Today I am sitting in a wonderful school that has recognized me before in some ways I  did. I unfortunately have been to many schools in my time. I was not aggressive until I could talk with my hand.  You see before that I really didn't live until I came home and watched Barney. My ears hurt with bees like a buzz saw so bad I just moved to get through anything. I did not really see either. The hurt made my mind close. I couldn't sleep or focus . I would look for mom and finally breathe. The only relief I found was watching Barney on the video. I never thought he wasn't real. I thought that my Barney friends were really alive and knew I was there with them. I never considered perhaps that a purple suited dinosaur might be a kids mentionable show. Laugh. Now I am amazed I did not understand this.  When I started to hand talk I was 19 years old. I had not started my music therapy and the bees were still horrific. I hadn't told anyone yet. No one had asked. You see unless somebody asked the right question, I never thought to offer information. I mentionably have still issues with this. mom is helping me now daily by asking me if I have anything I need to mention. it reminds me to tell her if my body hurts or other important issues. 
  I was so excited to attend a recent event.  During that event a statement was made concerning autistics my age.  I now realize this statement was without any intention of generating anyone anxiety. However I became very very confused about this comment because I am emotionally younger in many ways than my 21 years as I indicated before.  I learned that 1.  I must not compare my path to anyone even if it is my hero.  2.  people say things by mistake and we should not assume ill intent first.  3.I have  a lot of maturing to do before I consider myself  an advocate I would be willing to be responsible for others in their growth or progress. 
 Acceptance is also acceptance of my own need to learn about how to accept myself now, before and whatever the world and God has instore for me.