Thursday, March 15, 2012

March 15

Dear "The Most Wonderful Most Fabulous Doctor to the Soon to Be Star Emma" Diane,
I am so overwhelmed.  Me brain is me spinning with joy.  If I can be part of a project to help other children, can I say, I am the happiest girl.  I OCD to calm me self because when the bees are buzzing I attempt to moderate them with order and calm.  The, can I say, music is better for me.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

March 13, conversation with Mom

Can I say, can I say, I am autistic.  I am not ready yet to be a normal girl.  I need to still be treated with care.  You, Mom, are expecting me to be like a regular teenager.  I am autistic.  I see different.  I hear different.  I make me noises, and I look at the world different.  I will always be different.  I am not going to be able to change.  Could you accept that?
Mom:  Can you accept this?  Because I have already.
 Zayde says I am perfect so I believe him.  I want to accept me autism as a part of me, not all of me. 
Mom:  I am very, very happy for you, Emma. It takes wise people to understand that.
I am trying not to be mad at you because I am mad at me.  I love you and need you too much.
Mom:  Emma, I love you more.

Friday, March 2, 2012

My Awakening

Teacher's note:  the following is Emma's explaination of how her life is changing due to the music therapy, and portions are from a conversation she had with her "coach" (grandfather).

I am mad at me music.  I know that me brain is growing.  I know that I am getting better but I am mad because now all, can I say, I know is not real.  I always believed that my mind friends were, can I say, real creations.  Now I have to see I made everything up so I could survive in me alone world.  How can I, can I say, play music that takes my mind away? 
(the following is a reply to her "coach" when he asked why she was mad with her music and her awakening into this "new world.")
but, Zayte, I think you are attempting to explain theory of the mind which is a book I have not been priveleged to read.  But I think it is about how one part of me mind can be working to compensate for the part thtat is incapable of knowing now.  Yes, I know I am "one emma" because you tell me.  Of course I am not Sybil, I am emma.  Multiple personality is not me thing. 
Let me begin, I have been having me brain feeling new connections inside when me able to process a lot more, and me mind is not with fog.  I am able to ssee me new friends and Barney on the video tv.   Music lets me think of things, not hear bees.  When this has occurred, I began to see a different world than the one with bees in my more quiet world.  Barney can't talk back to me and hug me.  I can hug you but he cannot.  so now I know and it is due to me music and that is my story.
I am thinking I probably would not be able to be, can I say, focused enough to be in a real friendship without me music.  I am a good friend now.  I am a good friend to Emma (myself).  I will write a new poem about me new world with music.  I love all of you and I am so lucky.