Monday, November 18, 2013

Today is This is Autism Flash blog Day

Today is special.  Today is This is Autism Flashblog day. I am the happiest, most exhausted autistic young woman I know.  My most wonderful day began when I read my beautiful friend little Emma's first blog post. I know her and her mommy, friend Ariane from I met them. They are real friends, the kind you wish good for only.  This is autism.

Little Emma types rpm. I want to one day. I have a good sense of humor. I told mom I can learn rpm and type more independent. Then she won't  need to carry drumstick around all the time.  This is autism.

I am smart. I love to learn in my classes. Mom holds the drumstick when I type.   She  doesn't teach me, I attend classes.  My economics is well, very overwhelming for mom.  Today I began to teach my most wonderful professor how to type with me.  I was very anxious. I had to let him touch me. Everyone  who knows me knows this is hard.  This is autism.

I went to my work today.  I have worked for school credit for two years.  I will graduate in  may. I typed to my boss that I love my job. I typed today i want pay work. I surprised us both when I said verbally ''I am somebody".  He said to give him two weeks to figure something out.  This is autism.

I am tired but so happy.  This is Autism Flashblog day is a very good day for us all. I believe.
love, Emma S

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Today is a big day for me. Maybe the biggest yet i have had . I am going to train someone at the college to assist me taking the standard test pert. I never took a placement test before and she is new to me.
Have me when you in your own thoughts. Please. Love, emma

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Hello There Expert of Me

Today I read in Facebook post the true report of how more nonverbal boy is able to talk with his hand using iPad.  I love this because  number 1:. More nonverbal people can let their God given voices be heard. Mom says it, laugh,  doesn't matter how you Talk. Just mentionably talk. I say unvoiced people have different ways than people  for speech works. I believe if autistic persons or people with autism whichever prefer ,are to be studied like human beings the experts studying us need language and some manners teaching first.  I read how the expert from Atlanta described autistic people not able to ask personal questions and not being somehow rewarded like pavlovian dogs for speech. I perhaps should comment I read a number of books,  yes I know who skinner was and pavlovs dogs. However, my interest in reciting this is to say that the expert obviously was not concerned that he or she accurate. If perhaps truth was the goal, the expert would speak to the subject in  the person's language of most comfort. it might be the expert learn a few things.
That language may be typing. I type with slight assistance from my mom and dad and Jackie and now i am teaching paula. I say assistance as the synonym for support. I am the one typing. I am the person with the thought. If you took a person who needed help walking would you question whose feet were moving?  I am not insulted if I am singled out in a room for being too verbally loud. But I am furious when a so called expert makes a blanket statement that influences potential people I have never met with more negatives
In conclusion I believe a field trip to Atlanta may be coming to see this expert. I am interested in how  we might get along. I do have a personal question,if I may.... have you any watches that do not come with a sweeping second hand?

Thursday, June 20, 2013


Today I really wish god would feel sickness of sad people and forget for them have painful feelings are my. I am saying I wish god would evaporate pain for many people so his children didn't cause more hurt in world.
 How I wish for jack his friend not shot. How I so wish my  cousin Tim was here now. I wish my big bro good fortune but not with never with casualties of military.
Autism is my diagnosis. Emma is my name.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Emma's Messiah Miracle of Music: Language is Not Just Verbal

Emma's Messiah Miracle of Music: Language is Not Just Verbal: I believe I have learned possibly the most momentus, important information so far in my life.   I learned about the language of intent  . I ...

Language is Not Just Verbal

I believe I have learned possibly the most momentus, important information so far in my life.   I learned about the language of intent  . I learned I talk in many ways. mom told me I knew this all along. I just wasn't perhaps ready.  you see I learned that my language is  verbal , my typing language of   physical activity.

the language of physical activity is new to my brain understanding. I am autistic. A ll my life  I have been told to change behavior . I have been told to not move or move. I have been told stop now. don't move .I have been told I am not to write here. perhaps I have been told don't laugh.  perhaps I have even been given directions on physical personal hygiene issues.  my physical being was not language.

mom and her friend yelled. I was surprised. mom was surprised. she might be loud sometimes. but never have I heard yell at friend.  she said "see emma, everyone acts like a 6 year old once in a while. the hope is to let your 6 year old do other things like play in the dirt or paint or play basketball so you don't do what I just did." mom gardens and beads jewelry.

well this is how I learned about my own physical language.

I really missed my big brother when he went away to college.  I was angry he left me.  I would write all over  his mail after he left for college.  I was telling everyone I was not just mad, I was saying I was mad he didn't live with us. I told mom and dad last night by typing. they both said they knew what I was trying to say. I was shocked. I was really shocked. they knew I was mad that he left before I was able to" talk with my hand". I say" talk with my hand" because mom says it doesn't matter how I communicate as long as I am understood.

I never knew that I was me to mom and dad all along. I never understood that my physical body was mine to send a message that mom and dad understood.  I never realized that 6 year old negative acting out can sometimes stop if maybe I pay attention to my physical language now because my body does belong to me.

I am thankful I learned somethings that might seem too personal to be taught by people not family.i need repetition when it comes to physical training. my brain is wired that way perhaps. in concrete issues, I need help. however, at no time was I taught or even told that my actions sent a message I could control.  I think I have learned more and need to perhaps blog again.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

My Journey to 1000 Ausome Things

On this day called '1000 Ausome Things'#AutismPositivity2013 as named by Leah Kelly I would like to offer this thought to my friends.

I was first diadnosed 18.5 years ago at a army hospital called Walter Reed medical center. I remember. You see I am very much like how Mr.and Mrs.Markham describe autistics in their paper The Intense World of Autism. I read this because of my friend Ariane Zurcher in her wonderful blog

This paper and my own  Neuromonic therapy combined with supported  typing has opened my world to ideas that never could be dared to even dream.
I am typing today by holding a dowel in my hand .Mom barely holds the other end for focus home when not studying for school I am trying to type more independently. I have a big brother. he is getting married and moving. my desire is to always be connected to him without assistance. I am accomplishing this now as we email each other. As of now in fact twice independent complete letters I typed. He is proud of me and does not mind the errors my brain makes in such distraction.
I attend a wonderful small co-operative academy that now has fully included me. I am right now typing my flashblog for my Mrs. Noonan's English high school class homework.  The assignment is citing internet sources. Who could dream just three years ago I was on a totally different path.
I need to say this however.  On this day of positivity I only plead as someone who has been traumatized still by voices I still hear saying I will be cured. Don't allow children to hear the voices of professionals make promises no one knows is true. As I have turned 21 I hear the statements made to mom who wanted my best life at the expense of hers and mine and my big brother and dads.   Mom is most definitely my best advocate but her path has hurt her as well.
If you asked me now what I value most about autism I must say my sensory system. I feel. I feel wiffs of moms hair and I can feel a sunshine rain after it is over by seeing a picture  .I can look at an umbrella and see a picture of my big brother. And I can sing happy birthday and taste cake.

I am a work in progress.  I love my life now in a way I never thought I would.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013


Today I am sitting in a wonderful school that has recognized me before in some ways I  did. I unfortunately have been to many schools in my time. I was not aggressive until I could talk with my hand.  You see before that I really didn't live until I came home and watched Barney. My ears hurt with bees like a buzz saw so bad I just moved to get through anything. I did not really see either. The hurt made my mind close. I couldn't sleep or focus . I would look for mom and finally breathe. The only relief I found was watching Barney on the video. I never thought he wasn't real. I thought that my Barney friends were really alive and knew I was there with them. I never considered perhaps that a purple suited dinosaur might be a kids mentionable show. Laugh. Now I am amazed I did not understand this.  When I started to hand talk I was 19 years old. I had not started my music therapy and the bees were still horrific. I hadn't told anyone yet. No one had asked. You see unless somebody asked the right question, I never thought to offer information. I mentionably have still issues with this. mom is helping me now daily by asking me if I have anything I need to mention. it reminds me to tell her if my body hurts or other important issues. 
  I was so excited to attend a recent event.  During that event a statement was made concerning autistics my age.  I now realize this statement was without any intention of generating anyone anxiety. However I became very very confused about this comment because I am emotionally younger in many ways than my 21 years as I indicated before.  I learned that 1.  I must not compare my path to anyone even if it is my hero.  2.  people say things by mistake and we should not assume ill intent first.  3.I have  a lot of maturing to do before I consider myself  an advocate I would be willing to be responsible for others in their growth or progress. 
 Acceptance is also acceptance of my own need to learn about how to accept myself now, before and whatever the world and God has instore for me.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Autism Acceptance Day

I am on perhaps such an important day willing to speak out for my friends who  are now unable as I was three years ago.
I am now able to speak with my hand and better by mouth.  I am infact fully participating in my world in so many ways. I do all my speaking to all my medical doctors and they fully respect me as me, not as moms imaginary friend who tags along sometimes making a proper verbal comment. I was my own advocate during my final IEP meeting, even reminding mom I can speak for myself! She laughed. I work at Lowes for school credit and frankly believe I could maybe train a few of my peers, laugh.

Perhaps I should speak for really what I believe acceptance is.  Acceptance is not working for a agency,school,or medical practice or social agency that is for disabled and speaking like we don't understand or even exist. I am somebody with feelings that deserve respect. My mind may not show on the outside like when maybe I have jumped or danced in a room when others stared  but I understood everything said by hateful people making fun of my joy of the music.  I understood what was said by teachers about me or my mom. I understood and remember. Having a sticker on your car or wearing the tee shirt isn't acceptance.
Acceptance is knowing my neurology is not the same as yours. You don't have to like when I scream, mom says sometimes we have to leave when I get really loud. She says we can go in the car because people  sometimes get scared.  She doesn't. She says ok lets yell now. But I actually understand because I don't like loud noises either.
Autism acceptance day for me is a day for my friends who still may not speak yet with their hands or mouth to know I will not forget you.  And to my friends who knew I was inside before I could know, I thank you for believing.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Autism Speaks, Don't YOU Forget Us in April

Red spatula today is what?
Red spatula is just that.
Questioned parties. I am the party for which.
How's the writing Emma?
and how do you make a period go away when you don't need it I wonder?
So you think we don't think and just mindlessly watch, do you?
You Fool.
We weep and we try not to let you hurt us anymore.
 I am healthhy and guess what?
 I am going to solve algebra problems with my dad.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

Autistic people should feel loved

Today is my birthday. I am now officially  a new adult woman. In my opinion autistic people should feel loved like I do now. I didn't always feel this way. I am weeping inside for how I have allowed perhaps my lack of verbal speech to run my days with fear. I accept myself with love however I communicate. I perhaps may speak more with patience and time. I may not. My brother nick loves me. My temple loves me my student that I tutor loves me. My friends at school love me. My lowes workers love me.  My family of mom and dad love me. Coach and Pom Pom love. Mom and my dad love me. On whole...I am the luckiest girl . Excuse me adult I know. In conclusion, autistic people should feel loved.

Friday, January 18, 2013

mom the mean diet coke interventionist

i am an addict of diet soda
green or orange. red coke. i love the bubbles perhaps more that erupt in the back of my throat. i run to purse or wallet in anticipation of the tingle. i am addicted. the end