Today

Today I am sitting in a wonderful school that has recognized me before in some ways I  did. I unfortunately have been to many schools in my time. I was not aggressive until I could talk with my hand.  You see before that I really didn't live until I came home and watched Barney. My ears hurt with bees like a buzz saw so bad I just moved to get through anything. I did not really see either. The hurt made my mind close. I couldn't sleep or focus . I would look for mom and finally breathe. The only relief I found was watching Barney on the video. I never thought he wasn't real. I thought that my Barney friends were really alive and knew I was there with them. I never considered perhaps that a purple suited dinosaur might be a kids mentionable show. Laugh. Now I am amazed I did not understand this.  When I started to hand talk I was 19 years old. I had not started my music therapy and the bees were still horrific. I hadn't told anyone yet. No one had asked. You see unless somebody asked the right question, I never thought to offer information. I mentionably have still issues with this. mom is helping me now daily by asking me if I have anything I need to mention. it reminds me to tell her if my body hurts or other important issues. 
  I was so excited to attend a recent event.  During that event a statement was made concerning autistics my age.  I now realize this statement was without any intention of generating anyone anxiety. However I became very very confused about this comment because I am emotionally younger in many ways than my 21 years as I indicated before.  I learned that 1.  I must not compare my path to anyone even if it is my hero.  2.  people say things by mistake and we should not assume ill intent first.  3.I have  a lot of maturing to do before I consider myself  an advocate I would be willing to be responsible for others in their growth or progress. 
 Acceptance is also acceptance of my own need to learn about how to accept myself now, before and whatever the world and God has instore for me.